Saturday, May 4, 2013

Today is DAY 6 - April 30

I am struggling with being tired today. I just want to sleep.

I haven't been sleeping well. I can't fall asleep at night. So the plan today is to fight off the nap, get in some fitness, and do all I can to be able to fall asleep easier tonight.

But right now, all I want to do is curl up on the couch and sleep. It's cold and overcast outside. Even raining. I so don't want to go out in that.

I was at the gym yesterday. Considering how badly I hurt my legs last week, I'm leaning towards not going to the gym today. I really don't want to do that again to my legs so soon. I would go again the next day next time, but this time... It's too soon.

So I'm going running today. I didn't get a chance to up my calorie burn yesterday because of the cold and not wanting to hurt my legs again. I accepted it. Like I accepted needing two rest days this weekend to heal.

This is very true today for me. All I want to do is sleep. I need to decide. What's important to me? Am I going to give up on myself again? Am I going to let this time pass me by? I have set out on this 12 week challenge - 84 days.

I am not in pain.
I am not sick
I am not in need of a rest day (1 in every 7)

So what is wrong with me today? In all honesty, I'm just tired. I know why I'm tired. Exercise will actually help it rather than make it worse.

I just realized, I haven't taken my Visi yet today. I just went to take it. I should be feeling much more energized in about 30minutes. Now to kick start my motivation so I'll be ready to go once it kicks in.

I need to jump start my motivation internally. I need to believe I can not only do this, but it will be so much more worth it than if I just sit here on the couch today.

It would be humiliating when it's time to check in. To have to admit I was just too lazy to do what I needed to do. That I wanted to sit here and nap. I deserve so much better than that humiliation.

The choice is mine. Do I want to stay where I've been stuck for so long? Do I want to be trapped in a 230lb + body? Or do I want to regain my health? Loose the weight? Be able to fit into the cute smaller clothes again?

What is more important to you right now?

I'm at the stick to it part. That means I'm about 3/4 of the way through my process.

As for today - starting will be the hard part.

What is my goal for today? Getting off my butt and getting some fitness in. The more the better, but at this point, any fitness would be great. I'm so tired...

What is my plan? That's what I'm working on now. I'm thinking I should get my shoes on and go for a run. Just make sure I wear enough warm stuff. Tie my shoes, and get out there and burn calories.

Get to work! This is where I'm ... I can't say stuck. I'm almost not wanting to do it. Forget almost. I would rather sit here and veg. Maybe have a nap. I HAVE to get past that. Right now.

This next hour will pass me by no matter what I do. I can either sit here and let it go while I melt into the couch and gain weight, loose motivation, and start to feel bad for letting myself get pulled off track. Or I can make the most of it. All I have to do is go upstairs and get dressed. The tie on my shoes and Lulu. Then take that first step out the door. Go. Once you've made it a mile away, if you are still too tired, turn around and come back. That alone will be enough to count today as a success with regards to fitness.

Besides, your heart rate will never drop if you stop trying. You need to keep going. Keep working on it. One day it will drop, and these runs will feel easier. Maybe they won't feel easier, but you will be able to go farther.

It's going to take so little out of you to just do what you need to do today. Get dressed. Go. Within the hour, you'll be home. You can nap if you want to then.

Now log off, and go prove it!

I'm back from my run. I made it just under 2miles. It's friggin cold out there. It's actually snowing. And that wind. I was dressed for a winter run, and it almost wasn't enough.

I really struggled, but I went. And considering the weather out there, I'm taking it.

I did it. I got it done. I proved to myself I am worth it again today. I'm so proud of my accomplishment. No matter how small it may seem to you, it was HUGE for me today.

What are you going to do today to prove to yourself you are worth it?

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