Monday, November 17, 2014

Today's Kick in the Butt

I'm sitting here. Shivering. 2lbs heavier than I was last time I blogged.

Yes, life got in my way. I had a deadline, and a lot of baking to do for it. For the most part, I didn't do too badly during that week. I was so busy baking I didn't have time to get into trouble, or eat any crap.

But this past weekend was not good.

Anyhow, that's past. I can't change it. I can only affect today.

All I want to do is sit here under a blanket. I've been shivering cold for a few days now. The temperatures have dropped. I'm not used to it.

I know that if I get out and run, my furnace will kick in and I'll not only be warm while running, but for quite a while afterwards.

I know I need to get moving again. It'll help my blood flow, which will also help warm me up for much longer than just my run.

Running will help kick start my metabolism into high gear.

Move more. Eat Healthier, Drink Water, Sleep. That's the magic recipe to loose weight.

So if I know all of this, why is it so hard to get out the front door? Heck, today it's tough to even get dressed.

I guess it's true what they say. The hardest part is starting.

I have a different kind of day for work today. I have a couple hours this morning, then another shift later this afternoon. I have some running around to do, but it's all manageable. I'm picking up a tv for my daughter tonight after work. So that leaves my 3 1/2 hour break this afternoon mostly open. That'll give the sun a chance to come up and hopefully the wind to die down, but I doubt it.

Anyhow, today's plan is:
emoticon drink water - at least 8 cups
emoticon eat for fuel today, not for padding
emoticon Track everything I eat to help keep me on track
emoticon Get on my shoes and run W1D1HM after my morning shift - its' too late to go out right now to get it done.

You've got that wedding dress to look great in in March - just under 4 months from now.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Today's Kick in the Butt

Yesterday was a difficult day. I wanted to get so much done. And I actually did do a lot. But I did not complete everything.

My first thoughts are that I didn't have a successful day. I tried to run - it didn't go well. It hurt. A lot. But even with the pain, I still pushed through and did 75% of the workout before I really started to question myself. Am I listening to my body? Should I be pushing through this pain? I tried, but the pain never went away, so I stopped.

I got about 80% of the rest of the things on my list done, but again, not all. Realistically, I set the bar pretty high yesterday, so I'm not too upset about this

Despite my first thoughts of counting yesterday out as not a success, I realized something. Compared to the day before, I put in 200%. I accomplished much more.

Isn't that what this is all about? Progress, not perfection?

So it's time I stop "should"-ing on myself. It's time to realize I AM doing something. It may not be perfect, but as long as I did better than yesterday, it's progress.

Today's Goals:

emoticon at least 8 glasses of water
emoticon as much as I don't want to, I need to get out there and run again today.
emoticon Track every bite of food, and be aware of nutrition vs empty calories.

All I want to do is sink into the couch again. I know why I didn't do very well on yesterdays run. I am working to rectify that.

But it's still so hard to get my shoes on and get out there.

I have a break from work - I don't need to be back at it until 3pm today. Okay, maybe I should get back around 2:30, but no big deal. I can push things off if I need the time.

What I shouldn't be pushing off is getting my shoes on and running.

I've already got in 6 glasses of water, and have started on the next 6. So water is good. Food has been okay for a while now. My calories are low, despite having some "fun sized" chocolate in the house. I don't believe in all-or-nothing, so I'm not judging the fact I am eating some chocolate. Moderation is preventing a binge.

All that is left to count today as a success is a run.

So what's my excuse? Am I going to let my excuses be bigger than my dreams?

Okay, I agree. This sounds feeble. But I'm accepting it as today's reality.

I just found my mp3 player. It's not the one I was using before, but a new one I purchased this summer. It took me an hour to find it, and upload my running trainer to it.

My afternoon time is now gone.

I have other "excuses" too. But I'm going to accept that today I'm not running.

*sigh* And I wonder why I can't seem to make any progress..... 

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

My Mountain

I have so many things ahead of me right now. It's overwhelming.

Enough letting it get to me. Time to start defining my mountain.

I want to go back to school and earn my MSW
I want to run the hypothermic half in February
I want to be in the best shape possible for my wedding - 3.14.15
I want to stop this depression that is trying to take me down

I know that's not a very clearly defined mountain, but it's a start. That's enough for me for today.

Today is the only day I have control over. Today I can do something to reach these goals, or I can just sit here and not make any progress. It's my choice.

What can I do today to take a step towards these goals?
- run. I can get out and run. I may not be able to find my Garmin, but I can run without it if I need to. I have a fitness monitor. I don't even know if I can find my mp3 player with my running trainer on it.

Looks like I've got to find my mp3 player, or buy another one. I really need my hand held when I start this journey. For me, that means having my running trainer tell me when to run, when to rest, and when I'm done. Easy enough to fix - cheap at Walmart.

- I can find my running gear
- I can register for the race
- I can eat well and hydrate

Once all of that is done, I can rest. Let my body recover, and spend some time visualizing my goals. Maybe better define this mountain I'm about to climb.

 Look at that. 2 minutes of looking and I've found my Garmin. It's charging now. I can't wait to update later today with more good news.

Starting out on a journey to conquer a new mountain

Realized today I've got a mountain ahead of me again. That thought started to overwhelm me, as a thought like that often does.

But then I remembered how I've climbed this mountain before.
I worried I wouldn't be strong enough to do it again

I remembered just how strong I am - not only when I'm progressing, but even right now. I'm strong enough to take that first step.
I'm strong enough to not let the mountain ahead overwhelm me, but to just focus on that next step.

One step at a time. I believe I can climb this mountain again.

Do I know exactly what the top of the mountain will look like? No, but I have a pretty good idea. I also know how can shape what I want that mountain top to look like and work towards those specific goals.

For today, I'm going to take that first step. The next step to climb that mountain. And when that's done I'm going to rest, and enjoy the opportunity to imagine what I want to achieve. Spend some time visualizing.

Finally, finish the day strong with a plan for tomorrow to take that next step.

Friday, October 24, 2014

It took me a LONG time to learn this lesson, but I think I'm finally making progress.

I've had something rolling round in my head for the past month or so now.

Last Christmas my weight was back up to over 230lbs. It fluctuated between 234 and 239.

Even when we would get dressed up, I felt ugly. All the time. Nothing I did helped.

I hated clothing shopping, so I started to avoid it. The sadness/stress would lead me to eat more, and the roller coaster of feeling completely helpless to loose it all would go round and round.

It was actually made worse by training for a half marathon that summer. I really focused. Trained consistently. Worked hard every workout. But on race day, I was STILL over 230lbs.

I'm honestly too embarrassed to show the video of me really pushing to cross the finish line - everything is "bouncing". Yes, I do have a good sports bra on, but my entire body gets into it. I was horrified to see that.

On top of how horrible my internal dialogue was, my health issues were there again. I needed my asthma inhailer more than once during that race. I needed it during yoga class. It was becoming a necessity to carry it everywhere again. The pains in my stomach were back. Not as bad as they once were, but they were there.

My hubby could not help. He was starting to get upset with me because my internal dialogue would leak out sometimes. He was appauled at how I felt about myself.

He was right. The worst part of this time of my life is how I felt about myself. How I thought others viewed me. How poorly I felt about my appearance.

Things turned around for me. I finally got my nutrition/eating worked out, and lost some weight again.

I am back below 220lbs. Hovering between 213 and 218. This time I'm trying to do it differently.

How do I feel about myself right now? Honestly, I still have a pooch around my abdomen. I still have some weight to loose. But I feel much better than I did at 235. I look a lot different. It's crazy how huge a change such a small amount as 20lbs of weight lost can bring about. When I go clothes shopping, I need to stop reaching for the XL, and many times need to have the sales person bring me a medium, because the L is just too baggy.

This time instead of focusing on how much I still have to go, I'm trying to just be happy with where I am now. The reality is I may not ever get back to Onederland. As much as I would LOVE that, I am learning to be okay with what progress I have made so far. Love who I am NOW. Love what I look like.

I've started to take pride in my appearance again. My hubby has helped me pay for a bit of a spending spree this past month. I've got an almost completely new wardrobe. Instead of buying clothing because I need to, I'm finding things I feel beautiful in.

I've even decided I'm going to train for another half marathon in February. I'm aware that I struggle with my eating when I'm training, but I just have to focus on all my foods, one bite at a time. I have to know if I give in to sugars and processed carbs, I'll crave them. I'm starting to view food as fuel for my body again, not just something to stuff into my face.

I'm not perfect, nor do I ever expect I will be. But I'm not giving up on myself. This time, it's not as important to see constant steady weight loss. Instead, I do not want to go over 220lbs again. No matter what. Once I get below 210, I'll focus on staying in that range. But for now, as much as I want to get lower, I'm celebrating the victory of being below 220 every day when I get on the scale.

The relationship with my hubby is getting better. Mainly because my internal dialogue has changed for the better. Now instead of it being "I hate how I look" it's become more "I love the changes that have happened in my body. I like (working on love) how I look." with a minimal amount of "I want to keep moving forward with this"

There will come a time when "I want to move forward" will come to the forefront again, and I will be ready for it. But instead of pushing pushing pushing all the time, I'm taking it easy. I'm actually trying to see the changes in my body this time. Not just with appearance, but also with my health.

I knew my internal dialogue was keeping me trapped where I was. I wish I could tell you I was able to change it and that changed it all for me. But knowing my internal dialogue can easily take me right back to the beginning of this journey, I am working on it. I am trying to change that dialogue now to become more supportive of my journey, no matter if it takes me back to Onederland or if I end up staying right where I am now. I'm learning to love who I am NOW. And that's not easy.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Tomorrow is the Weigh Out day for my DietBet4

I don't think I made it.

I haven't weighed in in over a week. Last time I weighed in my weight was up. I was 3 days post my half marathon. I know I had some bloating, but it just didn't seem to go away as fast as it usually does. I tried to step up my activity, but I kept getting nauseous.

So the overall feeling is that I slacked off for the past week and a half.

Last week my ex called. He's sick - really sick. He asked me to come and get Mickey - our dog. So this weekend has been a whirlwind. I drove 2 hours to spend the day wedding dress shopping with my mother. Spent the night there. Then 10 hour drive to pick up the dog. I was able to sneak in a 4 hour sleep before turning around and coming home. When I got home last night it was a whirlwind of unpacking the car, trying to get the dog settled - we already have two other dogs - and then I was too exhausted to even feed myself. My hubby took care of that.

Anyhow, I don't eat right when I travel. I actually tend to not eat at all. Then when I do eat, it's too much of the wrong stuff.

Anyhow, now I'm scared to go near my scale today.

I know. My mind knows all I can do is do my best today, and weigh in either tomorrow or Wednesday morning. If I do my best today and tomorrow, I could be in for a pleasant surprise Wednesday morning.

So I'm not going near my scale. Period. Now that Mickey is here, we need to get out for at least an hour - preferably two - for a walk today despite the snow that fell last night. Everything is covered. The roads are icy. I'd love to stay in and not go anywhere. But the dogs need the exercise. It'll help them all get used to each other, and it'll help Mickey settle in.

Heck, a half hour run this morning, then an hour walk later today would be ideal.

Time for me to get offline and get 'er done!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Day 14 of DietBet10 - Day 21 of DietBet4

I'm back on track today.

I really can't be too hard on myself for this weekend. I walked a half marathon Thursday evening. Friday was off to rest. Saturday I went for a light walk. Within the first mile, I was feeling some pain in my one leg - an indication I needed more rest.

So that's all I did on Saturday.

Sunday I was feeling so down I didn't do anything. Monday too.

But today I changed all of that.

I went to spin class. The plan was to do spin and belly fit, but the nausea I felt during spin class told me to skip the belly fit. It took me a while to get the nausea to pass completely.

I jumped on my bike a few hours later to go out to the store to pick up a few things.

I have already gotten in 2 hours of fitness today. I've worked hard and I can feel it. Time to rest.

Tomorrow, I'm back at work. I will be going to a yoga class at work, but I'd also like to do something else too. There's a No Co-ordination Required class in the morning. I have time to take that and get to work. I could re-schedule my first visit and go to the step and abs class at noon too.

See. Lots of options if you just look for them.

I'm sure hoping this step back up in fitness will help me get the pounds off. When I got on the scale Monday it wasn't good. I know I bloat after half marathons, but this was very disappointing.

I have one week left to the end of my DietBet4, and almost 2 weeks to my first weigh in for my DietBet10.

I need to stay focused. Drink my water. Eat more freggies. And Move more. If I do all of these, then no matter if I reach my goals or not in the DietBet's I'm still a winner.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Day 8 of DietBet10 - Day 15 of DietBet4

Yesterday was a good day. It was my first day back at fitness after being so sick. I was also on track with my water. I ate very low in my calorie ranges - too low in fact. Today I'm planning on eating higher.

I am also starting to get more sleep. That's good to see. I've been trying to not worry about it. In all honesty though, when you are trying to not worry ...

My DietBet10 weigh in progress. I am getting there. Slow but sure

DietBet4 progress.

So for these bets, my deadlines are April 29/30 for the DietBet4, and May 8/9 for the first round of DietBet10. That's two weeks to loose 3.9lbs more and to keep it off for at least a week to win both DietBet4 and round 1 of DietBet10.

That's actually not too bad. Completely do-able.

There are days when I wonder if I can do this. If I'm EVER going to see results. Then suddenly the scale co-operates and I see the progress that helps me to see I actually can do this.

My plan for today:
emoticon Drink LOTS of water - it'll help flush out the last of this cold
emoticon Eat at least 5 servings of freggies
emoticon Find a healthy way to eat at least 1600 calories today - I'm okay with closer to 1800 if I end up that high.

Now for the tough one. I really don't want to do this. I even have excuses to not go out there and do it.
emoticon Run.

But I'm running a virtual half marathon on Friday. I'm not sure how smart it would be to push myself today, and then really push on Friday.

I know. It's an excuse. I guess I'm still nervous being so newly over this chest cold. That and seeing the fresh coating of snow over everything outside...

Maybe I can compromise. There is a Step and Abs fitness class at the Leisure Center. I can go right after the Chiropractor this morning. Then leave straight from there for work - I'm taking one of my moms to a baby and me group today. I LOVE hanging out with these two.

Anyhow, if I get in the fitness class. Then maybe a speed walk at the track. It'll count as fitness. I can get in 2 hours worth without pushing myself running so I can rest for Friday.

I think that's the way to go today. 2 hours of moving. Supper is already being planned - tossed salad with grilled chicken breast, and two chicken wings I'll sneak from hubby's plate.

I think I have an awesome plan to tackle today. What's your plan for today?

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Day 7 of DietBet10 - Day 14 of DietBet4

Things haven't been going well since I last posted. I've been sick. Chest cold. On the weekend, hubby and I had an overnight road trip. Those trips are harder on my system than I want to admit. I love them, but... To avoid having to stop for a bathroom break aver 5minutes, I cut back on my water. Often I cut back too far and pay for it after the trip. It also involves a lot of eating out.

Needless to say, with the cold I stopped my fitness for a few days to let my body heal.
Not enough water over the next couple of days.

No wonder I'm feeling like a slug on the couch.

At least today I am definitely moving again. Spin class starts in about an hour. Then I'm going to try to do the bellyfit flow class.

Time for me to get offline, fill my water bottle, and get changed into my fitness gear.

I hope your weekend went better than mine

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Day 3 of DietBet10 - Day 10 of DietBet4

This one will be short and sweet.

I'm sick.

Full on ill. My cold has moved into my lungs. No cardio for me today. I cancelled work today too. I have a bit of a fever with this cold.

Eating was okay. I did go a little over - I still fall back on my comfort foods when I'm not feeling well. That and the delicious soup hubby made me for supper. Yummy.

Anyhow, off to the city tomorrow. We'll be staying overnight. I'll try to check in tomorrow, but I might not get a chance. I'll be back online on Saturday night.

Hope y'all have a great start to your weekend.

Am I listening to my body? Or am I finding excuses?

I'm still not feeling well. In fact, my cold is coming to it's peak soon. It's mostly a head cold.

I usually don't let a cold keep me from getting out there and getting it done.

But today I'm wondering.

Am I listening to my body? Or am I letting my laziness talk me out of doing what I need to do today?

On my schedule for today:
spin class
bellyfit flow
taking one client for lunch
taking another client to yoga this evening.

Lots of fitness.

But I'm debating not going to the first two. For a few reasons
This cold is getting stronger
I don't want to share this bug
I'm already struggling to breathe
Yesterday my lungs hurt, today they still ache - is it a good idea to push?

I KNOW getting out there and doing what I need to do helps me feel better. But is my body telling me to rest today?

I just ate my breakfast, and took my allergy pill, and some coldFX. I think I'm going to relax and let my body decide if I should go or not. Right now, I'm leaning towards not. If nothing else, I am at least not spreading these germs around.

Decision made.  I'm now struggling to clear crap from my lungs.  Rest day today.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Confession Time

I try to keep focused in my blogging. Stay positive about the progress I've made, and that I can keep making progress.

But right now I'm going to be honest.

I'm worried. Worried I won't meet my next weight loss milestone.

Worried I won't be able to loose this weight.

Worried that I will push my body hard, work out hard, and still not see losses on the scale.

Worried that my trouble sleeping will keep my body from doing what it needs to do to loose the weight.

My next milestone is to loose at least one more pound by Sunday. If I can do that, I'll be right on track.

What if I can't do it in the next 3 days?

Last Sunday, my weight was up from what I was hoping/expecting to see. I was having some stomach pains, so I did my best to hide my disappointment and inside I was praying it was a fluke. That I really was having some abdominal swelling and that would lead to my weight being up.

When I weighed in this morning, I was beyond happy to see the scale starting to drop again.

I wasn't expecting it. I pushed myself yesterday. I really did. But then I came home and vegetated on the couch for the afternoon. Top that off with less than 6 hours sleep last night, and I was worried.

I am trying to sleep. I really am. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. But then I can't fall asleep. I suffer from insomnia. I know it. This isn't full blown insomnia, but I'm worried about it becoming that.

Another worry.

I could sit here and let these worries overrun my thoughts and eventually paralyze me, keeping me from being able to do what I need to do to reach my goals.

Another worry.

But I do my best to let it all go.

Take a few deep breaths if I need to.

Do some grounding exercises.

Do a check in with my body. A real check in. Take the time to notice any aches and pains, or sensations. All Sensations. Just notice them. Not judge them. Just notice. And acknowledge them.

I look back on what I've accomplished since April 1.

I have tracked every bite of food since April 1
I am drinking more water, and cutting way back on coffee
I'm paying much more attention to what I'm eating, and not just grabbing junk because it's handy.
I'm really trying to fuel my body the way it needs to be fueled for training.
I've started my training. I mean really started.
I'm not only running, I'm also focused on my cross training days. I am focusing on getting at least 2 hours of fitness on my other days.
I have lost just over 3lbs. In 8 days. Not bad really. I was hoping for more, but it is what it is. That's 3lbs gone.
I am on track to meet my milestones, and to meet my goals for the dietBet's I'm registered in.

I am doing what I can with regards to sleeping. I can't let it stress me out, or it'll get worse. It is what it is, and I have to accept it.

And I realize I am making progress towards reaching my goals.

Day 2 of DietBet10 - Day 9 of DietBet4

So far so good today. I got on the scale this morning.

This one is for DietBet4


As you can see, both goal weights are within a half a pound. So basically, I'm aiming for 227lbs by the end of April.

That leaves me with 6lbs to get there. 6lbs in 3 weeks. That's a high goal, but if I stay focused I think I can make it.

Today I went for a run. It was hard to get out the door - I'm under the weather with a cold. But I was right. Getting out and running helped me feel better. I was too weak to finish a full training run, but I still got in 2 miles more than if I'd just sat on the couch.

Nutrition is right on track for today too. I'm thinking of a salad for supper, but it depends. Tonight is the night we often go out for wings, and I get a salad with a grilled chicken breast. I also sneak one of my hubby's chicken wings. lol

Anyhow, I guess I'll know once hubby gets home from work.

Water: That's right on track too. I've had plenty already today. Now it's all bonus.

I did cave and have a coffee today. Stress drives me to wanting my coffee. I will have to plan ahead to avoid that next time. But all in all, it's not too bad.

So that's my day today. Had to kick my own butt out the door to get my fitness in, but I was able to do it. I'm definitely glad I did it. Nutrition is right on track. Despite fighting a head cold, I'm feeling strong. I can't wait to keep pushing towards my goals tomorrow.

Today's Kick in the Butt

I really don't like mornings at the best of times. But today I really don't want to get up. I'm feeling sick. This head cold is wearing heavily on me. On top of that, I didn't sleep well last night.

I know I'll feel better after going for a run today. I always do. It's just getting out the door on mornings like this.

I need to do this for me. I'm the only one who can make me do it. Funny, I'm also the only one who can stop me from doing it.

That's kind of scary. Knowing it's all on me. Do it. Don't. It all comes down to me

Outside motivators like the DietBet, or support either on my blogs or in person helps, but not always. The reality is I need to find this in myself to get it done.

My mind knows that getting out there will help me feel better.

It's starting to look like today it'll have to be an actual but kicking. I'm not having much luck convincing myself to get up and go.

I have been frustrated over the past few days at not seeing any progress. I know how to change that. Watch what I eat, and move more. I'm tracking every bite, but for me realistically I NEED to move more. I can't seem to do this by diet alone. I like food too much.

Day 1 of DietBet10 - Day 8 of DietBet4

Yep. You read that right. I'm in two DietBets. One is a 4 weeks to loose 4%. The other is 6 months to loose 10%. They kind of work together. One to keep focused on this month in front of me right now, one to

I figured that blogging is the way to go on this journey.

Anyhow, here are my two most recent weigh ins:

April 4, 2014 DietBet4 Weigh in

April 6, 2014 DietBet10 Weigh in

Yes, I know my April 6 weigh in was higher than my April 4th. I just haven't brought myself to change my dietBet4 weigh in yet.

I've had a couple of days where it feels almost impossible to get up and off the couch to get any fitness in at all. Now I know why. I'm coming down with a cold. I feel just awful today - sandpaper in my throat, scratchy nose. It really sucks. So I'm drinking more water. I need to remember that lots of herbal tea will help too - it soothes, and the extra fluids/water help flush this out of my system.

Today is a rough day. I'm tempted to graze. That is, to constantly snack on anything and everything I can get my hands on.

I have to admit I have given in a bit. I have had some frozen yogurt with fresh strawberries on top. I also made myself some air popped popcorn(1/4 cup unpopped kernels), lightly spritzed with extra virgin olive oil(through a sprayer - less than 1/4 tsp), and very lightly salted with truffle salt(again less than 1/4 tsp). The popcorn helped with my munchies.

This morning I did get my fitness in - 45min spin class, followed immediately by a 60min BellyFit class. So despite feeling a little under the weather, I was still able to get out and do what I need to do.

This was my bodyMedia reading right after the fitness classes this morning. Not bad for an 11am readout.

So that's my day.

I've got my fitness in for the day
I'm struggling keeping my nutrition on track
I'm not feeling well
I've had lots of water, but will likely have more because of illness.

I'm just hoping my inactivity for the remainder of the day doesn't affect me too negatively. I guess only time will tell.