My Half A$$ed Day

I made excellent choices with my nutrition.  I need to still enter in my supper, but it was grilled fish, and some rice and vegetables.  I avoided the bag of potato chips.  Completely avoided the chips.  I'm so proud of myself.

I didn't get out and run today.  I tried.  In fact, I'm sitting here in my running gear.  Have been all day.  I let my room mate take the wind out of my sails.  Yes, I said it right.  I LET HIM DO THIS TO ME.  Now I'm so upset that I couldn't get out of the house.

That's not 100 % true mind you.  A friend came by today.  He was on his way out to get cigarrettes.  I mentioned I should get to the grocery store to get some snacks to avoid the chips.  He came and picked me up.  We had a nice visit.  Even went for coffee on the way back. 

It was great.  I even had fun.  Cheered up.  Smiled.  Even laughed. 

But I'm still sitting here not getting out and running.  My heart is broken.  I let my room mate hurt me that badly.  I have no desire to do for me.  It sucks, but it is. 

And I know in my head it's my choice.  I'M MAKING THE DECISION TO LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME.  I'M MAKING THE DECISION TO NOT GO RUNNING.

I AM CHOOSING TO NOT WORK OUT. 

So why can't I change it?

Hmm.  Let's see.  Debilitating depression?  Ring a bell for anyone?  Yes.  I've suffered for years.  And this whole issue with Colin has me on the brink of falling back in.  I hate to admit it, but I'm not strong enough to constantly fight it off.  I need to give in once in a while.  But I know I will find the strength again soon.  I believe I will find a way to fight back.  Even if it doesn't happen until tomorrow.  At least I believe I will find the strength to fight back.  I just can't do it right now...

So although it may seem like a half a$$ed day to most, I know I'm doing the best I can for today.  So I guess it's not such a half a$$ed day after all.