I did get out and run yesterday. It didn't go well. I got very very dizzy just before I hit the 1mile mark. I backed off. Walked it off. Then tried to run again. Nope. Things started going black again. So I walked home.
On the way, I stopped at Co-op and got a salad.
I figure my nutrition was way WAY down during the weekend - I barely ate at all, and in this heat, not enough food and water
Anyhow, I did burn almost 200 caloires. Covered 1.5miles. Ate a great salad.
It's a start. I put me first. Didn't let the room mate keep me from going. Didn't talk myself out of it.
Today I have my gear with me. The plan is to run at lunch again. I can do this. I am looking forward to it.
But while I'm thinking of it, I'd better get in my electrolytes and some extra water in the next hour...
I kind of have a date tonight. Someone I met a while ago. We went for drinks once. Didn't really hit it off then, but kept in touch. Well, lately we've been talking more. He asked if I was interested in getting together again. Our chats have been very interesting. Nothing over the top. Just getting to know you, what are you looking for, etc. Turns out we are both kind of on the same page. So I figure why not. Spend some time together. If nothing else, I'll have made a great new friend.
I'm really looking forward to this for other reasons too. I need to break away from the room mate more. I need to find my own way. If he doesn't like it, it will just push me to move out sooner. That may not be such a bad thing anymore. I do have a third friend Kent who has a spare room in his place. If I'm seeing someone else, it will be easier for him to understand it's just as friends.
Yesterday I realized just how much I am self sabotaging. I am really embarrassed by it. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten.
And yes, I do have to admit this drama around the room mate is just another excuse. Might be partially why I've been so hesitant to leave. It removed another good excuse for me to not meet my goals.
But I have finally decided enough. I deserve a fair chance to reach my goals.
I have changed my training schedule. It is scaled way back. But I'm looking at it this way now. If I can run the solid 3.5hours (my longest training run), then there's no reason I can't do a run/walk marathon in under 6.5hours.
I am struggling to accept this as a reality, but I'm trying. I also need to accept that even if I don't finish in time, I can still finish. It is in me. I am capable.
So don't wish me luck. Luck won't have anything to do with it yet. Right now, I need strength to push through. Persistence. Determination to train train train.
Thanks so much to all my spark friends who have stuck by me through all this crap. I'm so sorry it got so deep. I am just hoping I am on my way out of it now.