Self Sabotage

Self Sabotage

Def’n:
Self-sabotage is a combination of thoughts, feelings, and actions that create a roadblock to success by working against your own self-interests.

Well DUH!! I think we all know that. But there’s more to it.

• Fear of success. Deep inside, there can be numerous reasons you do not want to succeed. These are referred to as limiting beliefs. You must overcome these limiting beliefs and break free from your fear of success.

• Unworthiness. Unworthiness is the belief or feeling that you do not deserve success. This is due to low self-esteem and or a poor self-image. Build your self-esteem and realize that you are not only worthy of success, but it is your right to live in abundance and pursue happiness.

• Lack of belief in abilities. Do you not believe that you have what it takes to succeed? Do you think your goals are too far-fetched or unrealistic? Rather than lower your goals, increase your self-confidence and convince yourself that you will do what it takes and you will succeed.

• Working against true desires. Unfortunate are those who never figure out what their true desires in life are. These are the people who think they know what they want, but never end up getting it due to self-sabotage. Well known examples are college drop-outs who choose majors based on what a parent wants them to do or employees who work for paychecks rather than the love of the work. Take the time to find out what you really want out of life and write it down.



Okay. Now that I clearly know what I’m fighting, I need to find the tools to fight it.

Gee. To my surprise, one of the key tools to overcome this is Dialectic Behaviour Therapy (DBT). Hmm. Never heard of that one before (dripping with sarcasm in case you weren’t sure!!!)

Why does it seem everything in my life these days comes back around to DBT???

Having problems coping with the room mate and his extreme emotions? Distress tolerance techniques from DBT will help…

Having self sabotage issues? Guess what! DBT again!

Okay, time to stop running from it. I need to face these issues head on.


But I’m terrified to. What if I really try to do this, and fail at it? What if I have a complete emotional breakdown while trying to overcome these issues?



So what? You can go back to Calgary and have your family take care of you for awhile while you recover. Might not be the end of the world. In fact, it may be what you need in your life right now. You certainly don’t need this crap…

Besides. Let’s be honest. You are not likely to have a complete breakdown. Fitness and small steps towards reaching your goals will give you the strength to fight back against all of it.

But what if I can’t possibly cross that finish line in 6.5hours?
Are you kidding me? Okay, lets say you hurt yourself on the course, and just can’t do it. So what. Finish anyway.

YOU CAN CROSS THAT FINISH LINE.

Remember how you felt before the Canmore Half? Same thing. And what happened? You finished even faster than you thought possible. Remember that? Remember how great that felt?

YOU CAN CROSS THAT FINISH LINE NO MATTER WHAT.

Okay, so the mountain ahead of me is too high. At least from this view it is.





I’m going to do myself two favors.


Re-organize my training schedule. In fact, to make this even easier on me, I may just use the PersonalRunningTrainer marathon program. I already have it. I can do it.
And I’m going to stop thinking about the goal. Instead, focus on that training week. Even that training day. Period.

The second part to this is nutrition. If I'm going to keep my training schedule simple, I'll be able to put some effort into my nutrition to fuel these runs. I think that's the way to go.


Find ways to separate myself from my room mate more, without upsetting him. I can tell him I’m focusing on my running. Easy enough to do. Just get dressed for a run and walk away from the house. Even if I’ve already got my fitness in, I can get out and go for coffee without him. I need more autonomy from him right now. If that doesn’t work, I can always move out.

Today ... Trying to climb out from under these crushing "shoulds"

I am feeling totally defeated. Have been for a while now.

I have been struggling to get my training runs in. A few reasons. Or should I say excuses.

It's been too hot
My training runs are getting longer and longer. Time is becoming an issue for me
My room mate has me on such an emotional roller coaster...

Okay. Let's face it. The biggest reason/excuse of them all
I'm afraid I'm going to fail even if I try, so why not self sabotage so I have an excuse for not making it.

I'm completely embarrassed to admit this last one. But it's starting to become apparent to me that it is a HUGE barrier for me to my success.

I'm not even 100% aware I'm doing it. It has taken me weeks of struggling to discover this one.

So what do I do now.

It's been too hot
Okay, so I can't run outside for as long as I want. I can still work on it. It'll increase my stamina when it comes to hot humid weather. As well, I can run on a treadmill. I just have to find the right times to go to the gym.

My Training Runs are getting Longer and Longer
Like my boss said, I can break up most of my runs too. Instead of a 2hour run, I can do 2 1hour runs. All but my long slow and steady run once a week. I also can alter my work schedule in order to get in my running before work. Thanks for the support Phil. At least he believes in me, even if I don't...

The emotional roller coaster my room mate has me on
This is a tough one. I have been trying for months to not let it get to me. It hasn't been working.

The definition of insanity is trying the same things over and over and expecting a different outcome. I have tried and tried. I've talked to him. I've told him why I'm upset and hurting. It hasn't changed a thing on his end. Okay, it's changed a little, but nowhere near enough.

Now it's time for me to change.

Can I make this work without moving out? I have no idea.

I guess to answer this, I need to know what it "working" looks like.

For me, if it's working:
I will be able to get my training runs in, and nothing he says or does will stop me.
I will no longer be upset by his crap.
I will feel more in control of my food choices. I won't feel pressured to eat out, or decide to give in to chips n dip because I'm hurting.

Time to face it. I don't know if I can make this happen living there. I don't know if it's possible at all.

But if I don't want to move, I need to try.

I need a schedule. I need to stick to it no matter what. If I'm supposed to run a total of 2 hours that day, I need to do it. If I get it done early, great. If not, I'd better be willing to get out there and pound the pavement. No matter what.

I need to do this for me.

I need to stop worrying about what he wants, or how he feels, or any of that crap for a while.

I NEED TO FOCUS ON ME

If I can't do it there, I need to move. I have another room lined up.

Now for the last, and biggest excuse.

I'm afraid of failing, so I'm self sabotaging.

Wow. That was a mouthful. I am thinking I need an entire other blog to deal with this one. That's what I'm going to do. Step back and look at this one. Figure it out. Find a way to work with this block.

Today's Kick in the Butt ...

I so don't want to get up out of this chair and go running. I went to bed last night realizing it's been over a week since I've gone. I can't let this keep happening. I need to stop looking at the overwhelmingly big goal But right now, even my training is overwhelming me. I need to re-evaluate it.

But that doesn't get me out there running today.

It will be killer hot out there soon. So, the sooner I can get out and go, the better. Good thing I've got a couple of days off right now.





I KNOW these things. So why is it so hard right now???



So what is your decision? To sit here and keep this muffin top growing?

Do you think it will go away on it's own? You know it's hard work. If it was easy, everyone could do it without any effort.

You have so much in your life right now that you have no control over. But you have control over this.




You want this? There's only one way to get it. You know it. WORK FOR IT!

Just imagine how great it will feel to have EARNED this body again.

Not only that. That's a long term goal.

TODAY.
You will feel accomplished
You will feel a good tired
You will have earned time resting in the chair
You will have a much higher metabolism for the day
You will be re-introduced to those endorphins you like so much
You will burn those calories to burn off the next two pounds
You will be back on track
You will have bragging rights again.

Forget will. Change them all to can. Then blow that word right out of the page completely!

What is it going to take? Get off your butt! Get changed - running gear. Tune in and tear up some pavement.

You bought that new running outfit. You can earn the body to wear it without a cover up. In the meantime, why not put it on - with a cover up of course - and get out there. Tear up some pavement. Don't have to be fast. Have to be persistent. Period.

Wondering, what day should I listen to today? I want a day 1 program - run6min, walk3min. Just how many repeats? 7? 9?

Why not start Week7 - 9 repeats. Try it at least. Count 7 repeats as success. 9 as blowing it out of the water!

Looks like I've got a plan.

Then I can come home. Hot shower. New hairdo. and go out with my new cut and enjoy the day.

Now to get up, get out there, and JUST DO IT!

My 200 Day Journey - Day 102

I did it. I got out of bed this morning. I ate. I almost talked myself out of it, but then I saw a post on my SP page from Lori.

"Begin your day with a and a "

How can I talk myself out of a workout with encouragement like that???

Got dressed. Geared up. Went running.

Okay, so it didn't go all that well. I only got in 1mile. I was having trouble breathing. And my back hurt. Excuses? Or my body fighting this change ever step of the way?

Either way, I did 1mile. Showered. Got to work only 15min late.

I am going to work on an attitude adjustment. And make sure all my food and other stuff is ready to go in the morning. Do as little thinking or preparing as I can in the mornings. Have it all done before hand.

I might have to get my inhaler prescription refilled too. I really really struggled with breathing this morning.

But I'm not letting that defeat me. I know this battle will be 90% attitude. I knew that it would be well over 60% attitude before I went in. Today just showed me how much I need my attitude and metal game on board.






I'm so NOT going to let this guy win this one. It's important. Period.

I got to work, and realized I forgot to stretch again. Not sure why that one is so hard for me. I guess this time because I was in a rush to get to work.

Anyhow, my calendar got a small gold star. Small because it was a little success, but it was a gold star success.



My day is not over yet. I am going to see about more exercise. And My food is right on track so far today. It's looking great!

My 200 Day Journey - Day 101

I have been struggling with exhaustion for a couple of weeks now. Not that I'm pushing beyond my limits. Instead I've been avoiding my running training. SO NOT a good thing.

It's because of the heat. I can't run in the extreme heat of the day.

I've tried to get up early. It hasn't been working. I'm looking at needing to get up at 4am to make it work. That is so not feasible for me right now.

So I went to my boss. I asked him if I could make my schedule a little more flexible for at least two days a week. I want to run in the morning. I'll be in a little later. I will make it up by cutting my lunch hours short. And if it ever gets to be about 4hours that I have been "off", I will fill out a vacation request for the time.

The plan is to get up. Eat. Run. Shower. And get to work as soon as I can. I can work through lunch. I can work up to a half hour later each day.

I need to track my hours, since Simon is determined to make my life a living he11. Anyhow, Phil (my supervisor and the plant manager) has said he wants me to track my hours, and get him to sign off on them. I figure weekly will work out fine.

So, starting tomorrow, the new plan is to run two weekday mornings a week. I also want to go for easy, relaxing runs in the afternoons/evenings. Even if I walk most of them. No biggie. It's all about acclimating to the heat as well.

That, and I'm still leaning towards going to the gym 3x/week. Lunch hours. Taking them from 11-12 on days when I'm not running...

I think I can make this work. I think with this little bit of help, I can get back on track and reach my goals by October.

Wish me luck!

Small Stone of the Week - July 10 - 16

Haven't done this one in a while. But this morning I've had a few ideas what I'd like to do for this week. Nothing overwhelmingly major, but progress just the same.

This Week I want to focus on:
At least 8 glasses a day
The Daily Feedback graphs. I want those lines to stay in the "Met My Goals" range. All of them. I'm also going to montior the pie charts at the bottom. I honestly forget how they are supposed to turn out. I know fats should be a smaller piece of the pie. Time to learn again.
Running at least 3 times this week
Any strength training will be a bonus
Stretch. Another bonus, as I tend to not do this

Bonuses that I will see this week if I do all of these:
More stickers on my calendar.
progress with weight and measurements
progress in my running training schedule

My 200 Day Journey - Day 100

What a day.

I got up early. Went running. I was feeling strong. I was going to go for the full 120min. But at 30min, my music player stopped. I was beyond stressed. And pissed. It was brand new. First time using it, and it died after 30minutes. SO NOT HAPPY!!!

But then I had a decision to make. Let this affect my attitude and keep me from finishing my run? Or adjust my attitude and kick this out of the park.

Well, I decided to adjust my attitude. Keep running. Try it without music this time. My HR was great. No aches or pains. Besides, I could take a break in 10min for gel.

Well, I had my gel, extra water, and kept going.

Then at 1hr5min, I got horrible stomach pains. I decided to stop running for a minute. Didn't take long for me to figure out I needed a bathroom. Fast. Well, it was 6 blocks away. So away I went. Got there in time. And again decided to get back out there. I only lost about 6-8minutes, so I could keep going.

Well, I made it to the 100min mark. I was about a 5min walk away from where I was going. Legs hurt. I was really having to push myself. So I decided now was as good a time as any to walk. That way I would not miss my cool down again and pass out in the restaurant.

Before I went in, I sat and stretched my hips and back. Boy was I tight and sore on one side. So I stretched it twice.

I spent the rest of my day resting. I feel great.

When I started 100 days ago, I couldn't run for a solid 6minutes. If I made it once, I wouldn't be able to make it a second time. Now look at me. Okay, so I rested all of a total of 10minutes today. But I did run for 100minutes. In this heat.

My weight hasn't changed, but I'm going to have to start eating like an athlete soon anyhow.

Yahoo for 100 days!