Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Confession Time

I try to keep focused in my blogging. Stay positive about the progress I've made, and that I can keep making progress.

But right now I'm going to be honest.

I'm worried. Worried I won't meet my next weight loss milestone.

Worried I won't be able to loose this weight.

Worried that I will push my body hard, work out hard, and still not see losses on the scale.

Worried that my trouble sleeping will keep my body from doing what it needs to do to loose the weight.

My next milestone is to loose at least one more pound by Sunday. If I can do that, I'll be right on track.

What if I can't do it in the next 3 days?

Last Sunday, my weight was up from what I was hoping/expecting to see. I was having some stomach pains, so I did my best to hide my disappointment and inside I was praying it was a fluke. That I really was having some abdominal swelling and that would lead to my weight being up.

When I weighed in this morning, I was beyond happy to see the scale starting to drop again.

I wasn't expecting it. I pushed myself yesterday. I really did. But then I came home and vegetated on the couch for the afternoon. Top that off with less than 6 hours sleep last night, and I was worried.

I am trying to sleep. I really am. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. But then I can't fall asleep. I suffer from insomnia. I know it. This isn't full blown insomnia, but I'm worried about it becoming that.

Another worry.

I could sit here and let these worries overrun my thoughts and eventually paralyze me, keeping me from being able to do what I need to do to reach my goals.

Another worry.

But I do my best to let it all go.

Take a few deep breaths if I need to.

Do some grounding exercises.

Do a check in with my body. A real check in. Take the time to notice any aches and pains, or sensations. All Sensations. Just notice them. Not judge them. Just notice. And acknowledge them.

I look back on what I've accomplished since April 1.

I have tracked every bite of food since April 1
I am drinking more water, and cutting way back on coffee
I'm paying much more attention to what I'm eating, and not just grabbing junk because it's handy.
I'm really trying to fuel my body the way it needs to be fueled for training.
I've started my training. I mean really started.
I'm not only running, I'm also focused on my cross training days. I am focusing on getting at least 2 hours of fitness on my other days.
I have lost just over 3lbs. In 8 days. Not bad really. I was hoping for more, but it is what it is. That's 3lbs gone.
I am on track to meet my milestones, and to meet my goals for the dietBet's I'm registered in.

I am doing what I can with regards to sleeping. I can't let it stress me out, or it'll get worse. It is what it is, and I have to accept it.

And I realize I am making progress towards reaching my goals.

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