Thursday, November 15, 2012

How do I find the balance?

I had the most success when I can spend time blogging. Basically kicking my own butt out the door. My daily Kick in the Butt blogs. They really helped motivate me. Get the blood flowing. Get the determination going to get out there and kick some butt.

I'm even noticing that now. I spend some time blogging and going through my motivational images, and I want to get out there and kick some butt - namely the fat I've got stored on my own butt.

I already get up at 5:30am to get to work. I leave 1/2 and hour after I get up - I start work at 6:30/7 and am done at 2:30/3. I like that, and don't really want to change that.

I don't know if getting up earlier is an option. Off the top of my head, and seeing as it's winter and cold and dark, I'd say NO WAY.

But the reality is that's the best answer for me. Give myself a half hour to blog. Then an hour to get dressed, go running, and cool down. Then I'll need time to bathe, dress, and get out the door for work. When I get up at 5:30 I can almost do that, if my lunch is made and I know what I want to wear for work that day.

So basically, that means setting my alarm for 4am. No hitting snooze. 4am up and out of bed. No discussion.

But I have to admit. I'm likely to spend that first half hour wishing I was still in bed. Probably trying to convince myself to just go back to bed. That it's too cold.

I am NOT a morning person. No where near even pretending to be one.

I tried to blog the night before, and tend to just not put my heart into it. I'm gearing down for sleep. I'm tired. It's hard to talk yourself into a frenzy as you are gearing down.

If I do it as soon as I get home from work, I KNOW the couch will reach up and grab me by that fat on my butt I'm trying to kick. It always does. I just want to sit and rest for a few more minutes...

I don't think the company will look too fondly on my blogging at work, even if it's during some of my own time.

I really don't know what is the right answer for this.

In an ideal world, I would be awake and able to wake up and blog for at least an hour before I start to kick my own butt into action. Then I blog my Kick in the Butt for the day. Go out and do it. And be so proud of getting it done. That's how I was able to do it in the past. But that was when I was off work.

So how do I find the balance?

I don't want to fight with my own body and force it to do these workouts day in and day out. That's just setting me up for failure.

I am starting to know my own "rhythms" and how to work with them.

Just tossing ideas around. Maybe I can get up earlier and blog a bit. Lee won't really like that, but I need to do what I need to do for me. I'm going to have to find a way to help him realize it's not taking away from us. It's for me to fix and build up me so I can be a better me in our "we". Maybe I can get some good mojo flowing before work. Find what will motivate me for that day. And be packed and ready go running right after work. No coming into the house and sitting down. Let the dogs out. Go straight into the bathroom to change, and out the door.

That might be my answer. And if I didn't hate my job so much right now, that might just work. But I'm worried about the job. Working for 8 hours at a job I hate so much just might deflate me from wanting to do my best after work.

I know. I sound so fickle. And maybe I am. But I know me. I need to work with my body to make this work. I've been trying to fight it and expect my body to eventually fall into line. It doesn't work.

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