My 200 Day Journey - Day 61

This is beyond frustrating. It won't stop raining here. It's flooding again too. I'm not well enough to run in the cold and the rain yet.

I could just SCREAM!

I need to find an alternative. I am considering getting a membership to the local community gym. It is a month to month thing. I can cancel at any time. Then I'd have access to a treadmill. In my opinion, using a treadmill for my training is only slightly better than not training.

I'm not saying anything against those who can make it work. I just can't. Treadmills don't work for me. I get it. I deal with it

But there I could also force myself to focus on some strength training as well.

CONS:

I have to deal with other people. I prefer to workout alone. No audience. No competition for the equipment.

I wonder if I can make it work. If I do home workouts? I have never had success at this before. But then again, I never had success making myself do abs workouts at home before last week either.

Maybe I can do it. I'd need some weights. I already have JM's 30 day shred. Maybe I should try to see if I can do it. Even just once.

But that doesn't solve my running dilemma. However, I run all winter around here. I can just suck it up and get out there and run again. I am almost well enough. Next week. Rain or shine, I'm going. As for this week, I'm going tomorrow. It should be sunny...

I am just so frustrated right now. I seem to be getting no where.

But tomorrow is June 1. I am going to challenge myself. 30miles a week. With 4 1/2 weeks in the month, I'm sure I can cover 120miles. By the end of June, I am hoping my long runs are up to 10miles. I almost have to be. If I'm going to be up for a 26.2mile run in October...

My 200 Day Journey - Day 59

I know I missed a few days. I was sick on Friday. Ate some contaminated foods. So not good. Blew up like a balloon, and was bed ridden all day.

But that passed, and on Saturday I was running hills. First time in years. I only made it 3/4 of the way up the hill twice. I figure I ran between 0.8 and 0.9miles uphill. Covered a total of 2.1miles. Just over 30 min.

Man, is my butt ever sore today. My glutes are aching. But I hope that helps shape them. . I would love to have a sexy little butt again soon...

I spent some time this morning defining my small stone of this upcomming week. Seeing as I didn't have overwhelming success last week, it's basically the same goals. But I've had to add a couple more. Mostly preparing for when I am done my HM training program at week 7. I decided to keep increasing my long runs, rather than start over with the marathon program at week 1

I would get offline and tackle today, but I don't know what I'm going to do today!

Breakfast. I have a bottle of water with my electrolytes added. I hate the smell of them. It kind of makes the water stink. I don't know how long I can keep drinking stuff that smells that bad...

I shoudl try to run today. Either D2 or D3 of W5HM program. I also need to do laundry. All my gym clothes are dirty.

My weight on the scale today was 225. I am so disappointed by this. Gotta keep working at it.

OMG! What Have I Done!

It's starting to sink in. I just booked our flights to San Francisco in October.



Yep. I signed up and was selected to run. Silly me. I figured I've run a half marathon. It wasn't so bad (translation - I survived it). And my training wasn't all that great. I figured I wanted to really commit to training this time.

So what does silly me do? I enter the FULL MARATHON! All 26.2 miles.

Panic is setting in. I can run 6miles. It takes a bit out of me, but I can. My longest run so far has been about 7.5miles.

I was training, but got sick. Caught a wicked cold. I am finally getting over it enough to get back out and run again. I think this is the biggest reason I'm panicked right now. I know it's going to take some time for me to build back up to my 7mile runs.

The biggest problem with that is I will need to be doing 20mile runs before the day. Even then I will still be worried I won't be able to finish the last 10K - or just over 6 miles.

What did I do?







Okay, so I know it's not likely that I'll fall on my face, but... What if I can't make it? There's a 6.5hour time limit on this course. I will feel like a failure if I don't finish in time.

And why is that so important you ask?









Yep. You are seeing right. Guys in tuxes. Presenting Tiffanys jewelry boxes at the finish line. That's the finishers medal. Presented by firefighters in tuxes. How great is that!

I need to get back on track with my training. I need to believe in myself again. And I need to KNOW I can finish this race strong. In under 6.5 hours.





I mean, if he can run, why can't I right???

Time to stop panicking and get out there and train!

WooHoo!

So excited.  Just booked flights for San Fransisco for the Marathon in October.  All four of us are going.  Yippee!!!

It's real now.  The flights are booked and paid for.  Hotel is booked.  Now just to get spending money together, train, and enjoy the trip. 

We're going on Wednesday Oct 12.  Coming home on Monday Oct 17.  Race is Sunday Oct 16.  That'll give us a few days to enjoy the sights in SF first.  Then about 30 hours after my race to do whatever we want.  I figure I won't want to do any walking after my race.  But that doesn't mean we won't be out and about doing something.  I'll just have to figure out how to do it without hurting myself. 

I'm so excited.  I can't wait to go. 

San Francisco Here I Come!

My 200 Day Journey - Day 55

Okay. So I'm not 100% back on track yet today. But I am getting there. And regardless if I'm on track or not. The ticker keeps counting.

So today I went for a run. It felt good. I was running strong. Then I was swarmed by mosquitoes. I realized I forgot my bug spray.

Decision time. Do I push through and get eaten alive? Or just turn around and go back to work? I can always go for a run after work anyway?

I am a firm dis-believer in the no pain no gain belief. I am the opposite. I believe, no pain, yippee I get to go out again tomorrow and keep progressing!!!

So I turned around and outrun those pesky little things. I've only got about 10 small itchy spots. Not too overwhelming to ignore.

I am looking forward to working out again after work today. I think I'll go for another 3-4 miles. Then do my ab workout.

I am not feeling 100% yet, but it's good to feel like wanting to get back to where I was two weeks ago. I am actually looking forward to pushing myself to my limits again soon. I miss that. I miss the endorphins.





Boy I sure do miss those happy little guys. I can't wait to get back there again soon.

Look out world, here I come!

I am so lost right now...

I am so mad right now. But not mad enough to fight back apparently. Which makes it all worse.

I have been a c ouch potato since Friday. Okay, I did try to run on Friday. It didn't go too well, but I was out there and trying.

Since then I haven't left the house. I tried on Sunday evening. Ran less than a half a mile. Gave up and walked home.

I am not sure what's wrong. I know there are a few small things. Okay, not so small.

Room mate issues are weighing me down. More than even I want to admit.

This cold sitting deep in my lungs makes me feel sluggish overall. Makes it hard to want to get out and run. It just keeps giving me an excuse to not do it.

Then when I try to get out there, it's such a struggle.

And let's face it. Just the thought of what I have ahead of me is too overwhelming.

I obviously can not pick back up where I left off. Just the thought of a 70 or 100 minute run is shutting me down. But I have a solution for this. I can switch my training up. Why not start week 1 of my marathon program. It has 4 days.

D1 - easy 30min jog
D2 - 30min tempo run
D3 - easy 40min run
D4 - easy 40min run.

I am sure I can do these. It may take me a day to build back up to a full 30min run, but I can reach that.

So there's a plan in place to keep my training from overwhelming me.

Now, I set out my small stone goals. I have done NOTHING towards my abs. I knew when I set this goal out that it was something I was struggling with. I really don't get why, but it just is.

I only have to do these exercises 3 times this week. There's still time. Heck, I'll give myself credit. If I do two sets of each in one day, I'll count that as two this week. Anything to set myself up for success when it comes to this.

I also wanted to reach 220lbs this week. I can't see that happening. I'm not giving up, but this morning the scale was up to 228. I can't deal with this. I would say it's the scale, but the way my clothes fit this morning....

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!

I just don't seem to have any fight left in me today. I feel weak. I feel tired. I feel like sleeping.

I haven't given up on my goal. I still have to train for that marathon in October, but right now I can't look at the top of the mountain. I am having enough trouble looking at the small stone I'm trying to hurdle this week.



I need all the help I can get this week. I feel so defeated already. I need encouragement to just take the small step I need to take today to get there. Not the giant leap. Just the small step.

I have no idea why I feel like I can't do it anymore. It's not even a matter of being not motivated to do it. For some reason, a part of me feels "why bother. You can't do it anyway, so why try?"

I have no idea where this came from. It actually scares me. Because I know in my head I can do this. Look at all I've done so far! I've basically reached almost every goal I've set out for myself in the past 60days.

So where did this come from? Why am I feeling so defeated?







I need to find a way out of this. I need to decide where I want to be, and find a way to get there.

My 200 Day Journey - Day 53

I am feeling well beyond sluggish today.  I just don't know if I can make myself want to do this today.  But I'm going to do my best.

Are you going to choose to stay stuck right here.  You are not happy here.  Things will not change on their own.  YOU HAVE TO DO IT.

This won't happen on it's own.  You tried that.  Look at what it got you.  Definitely not this. 

No one said it would be easy.  If it was, everyone would be thin.  No one would struggle with their weight.  It's worth it.  I'm worth it. 

Days like today will tell you what your made of.  Are you just wanting it?  Or are you willing to really work hard for it?  Push yourself to new limits to get there.  Push yourself to do it even when you feel like you can't. 

Internal check:  Is my body telling me not to?  Not really.  I feel sluggish, but that's a lack of energy.  Muscles are all okay.  Lungs are mending well, and a good workout shouldn't hurt them. 

Environmental check: Looks a little overcast.  No downpour.  No snow.  Should be okay to get out there and just do it.

Where is she when I need her?  My internal super hero trying to get out.  Pushing me to be my best every day.

Apparently she's taken the day off.  Now I've gotta find it in me to get there. 

Okay, this isn't working.  Different approach.

The next hour is going to pass you by no matter whay you choose to do or not do.  You can either sit here, feeling weak and tired.  Just fall asleep in the chair.  Feel stuck, and become stuck.

Or you can get off your butt.  Do the hardest part - get changed and get out the door.  Make yourself get started.  Make use of this next hour.  Finish it strong and proud.  Imagine how great it will feel to get back here all sweaty.  Having burned a few hundred calories.  Ready for that shower.  And not just because today is a new day.  But because you actually went out there and earned it. 

Muscles will love you for it.  Heart and lungs.  Skin will look and feel so much better. 

A body at rest tends to stay at rest.  A body in motion tends to stay in motion. 

You only fail when you stop trying.  Nothing can take the place of persistence. 

Besides, do you really want to look like this in October?

You might feel like this, but do you really want to look like this???

My first day back out on the pavement will be tough.  No matter if it's today, tomorrow, or next week.  It'll be tough.  The biggest difference will be the day after.  You will be starting to regain momentum.  You will be ready to tackle long runs.  Even craving them again.  I need to get back there.  ASAP. 

5 Last-Minute Marathon Tips

By Patrick McCrann
Marathon Nation
For Active.com

There comes a time when you are so close to your marathon that there's seemingly nothing else to do in the. You can't train anymore and your taper is done. The race outfit is picked and you are glued to the local weather forecast. With less than 24 hours to go, you might feel like it's time to hand the race over to fate...but you shouldn't.
As you pass the time during the last few nervous hours before your race, here are a few last-minute marathon tips to consider that could make your race into a completely different (and hopefully better) experience.

Cut Your Toenails

There's nothing worse than losing a nail...unless you consider the potential of running 26.2 miles with bloody, banged up toes. That's right. Your toenails need to get in race shape as well. In this case, think trimmed neat and short, with no sharp bits.

Put Band-Aids on Your Nipples

Since we are on the topic of injury and pain, why not cover what's considered one of the worst running injuries known to man—the chafed nipple. I was tempted to find a picture for this one to drive the point home, but I think the title says it all. Warm day, cold day, normal day—it doesn't matter. You must protect yourself. The easiest and most effective solution I have found over time is a regular Band-Aid. Leave them out for race morning, and don't forget to take them off when it's all said and done.

Set Your Watch to Autolap

At some point in your marathon day, your brain will begin to struggle. Your ability to do math or remember to work the splits button on your watch will fade. Your entire body will be dedicated to the mental and physical effort required to complete the race...and only when you are done will you begin to realize all the things you didn't remember to do. Make life—and your post race analysis—that much easier by setting your watch to do the work for you.

Have Your Morning Plan Set In Stone

There are three things in your life you don't want to be late for: your wedding, the birth of your child, and the start of a big race. Plan out your early morning schedule down to the last detail, and factor in plenty of time so that you aren't the crazy guy/gal who's sprinting through the early morning streets to get to the start line on time. Things to consider include transportation/parking, your food/fluid needs, early morning clothes that you can discard, your technology/shoes set out and ready to go, etc.

Be Ready for the Finish

While the marathon hurts, the full impact is lessened by the fact that there is support on the course and you are sharing the "experience" with so many others. Once you cross the finish line, however, you are entirely on your own. Your core body temp will start to drop and you really only have a few minutes to get changed and refueled before your body starts to put up a pretty good fight. Plan ahead to have dry clothes (even a winter hat) and a good snack in your bag for when your marathon journey is done. You'll even want to have a clear meeting point to rally with your friends and family; make sure it's relatively close to the finish as you won't want to go much further.

My Body Fat

I just found a web site that teaches you how to measure your body fat.

www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/home-body-fat-test-2774-143.html

I found out I have 33.5% body fat.

That means I have 75 Pounds of fat and 149 Pounds of lean (muscle, bone, body water).


According to www.linear-software.com/
online.html
for women,
essential fat is 10-12%,
athletes tend to have 14-20%,
Fitness level is 21-24%,
Acceptable is 25-31%, and
obese is 32% plus.

Small Stone of the Week - May 22 to 28

I have decided to forget about the mountain ahead of me.  Instead, I'm going to focus on the small stones each week.

This week I will:
- finish W5 of my HM program.
- get at least 5 servings of freggies every day
- avoid McD eggs for breakfast.
- at least 10 glasses of water a day
- Do at least 3 ab workouts this week

Okay, so the last one is too vague.  Well, time to change that.
10 crunches
10 crunches with a twist to one side
10 crunches with a twist to other side.

Floor Exercises
10 crunches with legs twisted to one side
10 crunches with legs twisted to other side.
leg lifts - raises up to 90 degrees
leg lifts - hold just above the ground
planks.  I hate these, so I'll be focusing on them.

I figure this is a good start.  If I'm able to do in sets of 10's great.  I'm also going to have to add back extensions next week. 

Now for the one goal I have not been able to reach in months.  By the end of this week, I want to be down to 220lbs.  I weighed in a couple days ago at 221.4.  Today the scale is around 225.  I honestly don't know if 220 is a viable goal or not.  Guess I'll find out.

Okay.  So reaching this body is not feasable for me.  But focusing on getting a flat abs region is something I really want to strive for.  I think it might be something that someday I can have again.  I so don't want to be here anymore.

I've lived with a muffin top like this for far too long.  Time to face it, and get rid of it.

Reality.  I need to keep training for the upcoming Marathon.  I also want to try to add some abs work, to help tone and get rid of my handles.  Baby steps.  I have defined my baby steps for this week.  Now to reach for them. 

I tried to go running today.  It was just a big failure.  I did run just under a mile, then walked back.  Got a coffee.  In total, covered 1.36 miles.  Burned 256 calories. 

But I'm so frustrated with my lack of progress lately.  I'm thinking of going to Walmart to get some vics.  Try to open up my lungs and clear them out. I need to do something. 

Tomorrow is a new day.  I am going to spend the rest of today gearing up for tomorrow.  I want to run tomorrow.  I also want my weekly goals outlined.  Might as well do it all tonight.  Get ready to give 'er tomorrow.

Being sick, and overall frustrations...

The cold I had - yes I said had - is still giving me grief.  The cough has moved deep into my lungs.  And they are starting to rattle when I cough.  I know from experience, this is not good.  It's been years since this has happened.  I used to get bronchitis every time I got a cold.  I am really hoping that isn't happening again.

Not really sure what to do about this. 

Anyhow, despite this, I'm not feeling sick anymore. But I'm sure it contributed to Fridays horrible try at a run.  Oh.  I didn't post that.  I was in Regina for the day, and decided to go running.  Ran the first 20min through Wascana Park.  It was the hardest run I've ever done.  It felt like I was running a cement block on my chest.  When I finally left the park, I was able to breath better.  But it had taken too much out of me.  After almost 40minutes, I called it quits.  I just couldn't keep going. 

Anyhow, I guess it was allergies/hayfever again.  That sucks, since I haven't had trouble with that in a few years now. 

Now on to my frustration.  Today is day 51 of what started out to be a 100 day challenge.  Became a 200 day challenge when I won the draw to run the marathon in October.  I started this whole process because I couldn't fit into my jeans anymore.  When I started, the scale said 230lbs.  Here I am, 51 days later, and this morning the scale is saying 225.  Okay.  I get fluctuations.  It was reading just over 221 a few days ago.  But even so.  51 days and only 9lbs lost?  I am beyond frustrated right now. 

Obviously something is not going right.  My room mate here eats out almost all the time.  I have to admit, I've picked up that habit.  Maybe I need to cut out eating out until I get these numbers back under control.  It's just hard.  I need to believe I'm worth it. 

I also haven't been doing my small stone of the week tracking.  Mostly because I could meet all goals, except for the 2lbs a week weight loss.  I was getting so frustrated, I stopped doing them.  It felt like I was setting myself up for failure.  I guess I kind of was.

Maybe I should start them again.  Start week 1 with just seeing what I can loose.  Then shooting for that same number the next week.  Slowly increasing it. 

But in my head, I know it's nto the weight loss.  It's how I eat, where I eat, what I eat, and my workouts that will lead to changes on the scale.  My exercising has been going not too bad.  I mean, I ran 6miles in 1:10 without stopping just a couple weeks ago.  Not something I could have done in January.  And my best training runs have had me going about 7 miles. 

I also want to start to do some core work.  My abs need some definition. 

The more I think about it, the more I think I need to set up small weekly goals all over again.  Fight for what I want.  Baby steps in the right directions will get me there. 

Surprising how blogging and complaining about what's wrong, can help me find a way to fix it. 

later that same day...

Just got back in from todays run.  I didn't make all 7 repeats, but that's because I tried in new shoes.  I'm going to have a killer blister soon.  Anyhow, I did make it 6 easy.  60min.  4.7miles.  almost 700 calories.  Not bad for a lunch hour. 

Room mate is still giving me grief, which actually had me crying on my run.  But that's all in my other blog...

What are you going to do today to reach your goals?

My 200 Day Journey - Day 48

The sun is shining today.  Y'all know what that means!

Running Day.

I am kind of looking forward to it today.  But I am also afraid of failing today.  Both for the same reason.

I've been off of running now for 10 days - not including my 10K last Saturday.  But basically I haven't done a training run in 10 days.  I checked the calendar yesterday.  I'm still a couple of weeks ahead of schedule for my training.  That's not an issue.  But I am expecting to be weak when I run today.

I can't wait to get out there and move again.  Feel the success of completing what I set out to do.

So what am I going to set out to do today?  Well, I should be tackling W5D1HM - run6min, walk3min, repeat 7 times.  But that will bring me right back to where I left off.  Should I be expecting so much of my body?

Why not?  It ran a full 10K just 4 days ago.  Sick and all.  And I finished strong.  So why not push it to finish this training run.

But I know better than to "should" all over myself.

I'll compromise.  Seeing as it's my first training run since getting sick, I'll allow myself to stop if I need to.  But I'm setting my music to W5D1HM and going for it.

I can dream of how great it'll feel if I actually finish...

Other than that, I am doing well.  My weight is down.  It was at 221.4 yesterday.  Today - 222.4.  But that's no biggie.  As simple as water retention.  Not going to worry about it.  But I do want to see that scale drop below 220lbs soon.

Maybe I should make that my goal this week.  Get below 220lbs by Sunday.  What do you think?  Can I make it this week?   Or should I give myself a full 7 days?

Bet ya I'll make it if I give up my McD's eggs in the mornings...  I know.  Bad habit.  I have to find a better breakfast solution.  Maybe this is the motivation to do just that.  Give up McD's for the rest of the week. Work my butt off - literally.  And see if I can get below 220lbs by Sunday.

Why not?  It's a goal.  It's a high goal, considering how my weight loss has been going.  But why not set it?  Just because I might not reach it?   Give me a break.  You learn by not reaching goals you set.  What good is it to set a goal you know you can reach.  That's like me setting a goal to drink one more glass of water today.  No challenge what so ever to it.

I think I just might need this kind of challenge to help kick start myself back into fitness.

Know what.  I think I will.  I want to see a value below 220lbs on my scale by Sunday.  I saw a 221.4 yesterday.  That's 1.5lbs.  I can do this.

I am a runner!

 

I Am Not A Jogger

I may waddle when I run, but I'm running all the same By John Bingham Image by Tim Bower Published 09/19/2007

 

The late Dr. George Sheehan, beloved Runner's World columnist and arguably the first running boom's premier philosopher, once wrote that the difference between a runner and a jogger was a signature on a race application. (For the youngsters out there, there was a time before online registration when you actually filled out a paper application, signed it, attached a check, and mailed it in. Quaint, I know.) As succinct as Dr. Sheehan's definition was, it made the point. If you were motivated enough to train for and participate in an organized running event, then you were a runner. Anyone willing to risk public failure in order to be a part of the running community--no matter what his or her pace per mile might be--was a runner. Period. Kind of hard for anyone to argue with that logic.

But a few months ago, an ad ran in this magazine that drew a very hard line between runners and joggers. I immediately heard from tons of readers who were upset by the distinction. To me, however, such definitions are meaningless, since those of us who call ourselves runners already know why we call ourselves runners. Your reasons may be different from mine, but here's why I know I am a runner:

I AM A RUNNER because my runs have names. I do tempo runs and threshold runs and fartlek runs. I do long, slow runs and track workouts. My runs are defined, even if my abs are not.

I AM A RUNNER because my shoes are training equipment, not a fashion statement. The best shoe for me is the one that makes me a better runner. I choose the shoe that goes with my running mechanics, not my running outfit.

I AM A RUNNER because I don't have running outfits. I have technical shirts and shorts and socks. I have apparel that enhances the experience of running by allowing me to run comfortably. I can say "Coolmax" and "Gore-Tex" in the same sentence and know which does what.

I AM A RUNNER because I know what effort feels like, and I embrace it. I know when I'm pushing the limits of my comfort and why I'm doing it. I know that heavy breathing and an accelerated heart rate--things I once avoided--are necessary if I want to be a better runner.

I AM A RUNNER because I value and respect my body. It will whisper to me when I've done too much. And if I choose to listen to that whisper, my body won't have to scream in pain later on.

I AM A RUNNER because I am willing to lay it all on the line. I know that every finish line has the potential to lift my spirits to new highs or devastate me, yet I line up anyway.

I AM A RUNNER because I know that despite my best efforts, I will always want more from myself. I will always want to know my limits so that I can exceed them.

I AM A RUNNER because I run. Not because I run fast. Not because I run far.

I AM A RUNNER because I say I am. And no one can tell me I'm not.

Waddle on, friends.

My New T-Shirts are in

The front and the back of my one t-shrit

And my other one.  This one says:

Marathon Checklist:
1. Carb load
2. Drink Water
3. Avoid embarrasing untimely bowel evacuation.
4. Refrain from sobbing at mile 21
5. Feign lucidity at finish line


I love them.  Now to get them ready for a workout.  I've got a few of those in line before I am ready to run a full marathon...

Looks like the weather will keep me ....

... off the roads for another day.  Usually it wouldn't.  But I can't even breath out there.  The winds are so high.  Between the wind, and my struggling to breath because of this cold.  I just don't know what I'm going to do...

My 200 Day Journey - Day 47

I am still fighting my way through this.  Despite what my room mate is doing.  Or rather, what I'm letting him do to me...

Link to My Life Blog

I know that I need to keep putting me first through this.  I need to focus on my training. 

I lost a week.  Being sick and all.  Not a big deal.  I think I had an extra week or so to spare anyway.  I will double check with the calendar to be sure.  If not, then I'll just cut my HM training back by a week.  Not a biggie.  It's just kind of a warm up to the marathon program for me anyway.

I did get out and try to run yesterday.  I just wasn't able to.  The wind was pushing me back (it was an 80K wind).  Between that and just not being very strong yet - I'm still weak from this stupid cold - I decided to cut it short.  I did run out, and walk back.  Covered just under 3miles.  Burned 300 calories.  So in my books, that counts as a win.

Okay, so I don't do the weights yet.  But I know I need to do something.  I need to do crunches.  And some strength training too.  It'll all help.  I just feel so drained.

It's all a choice.  I am choosing what to do.  And I guess I need to take baby steps to add the next ones too.  I need to add some abdominal toning.  Maybe I will add 10 crunches a day to start with.  That's not such an impossible task.  10 crunches a day for at least 3 days this week.  And stretching.  10minutes after every run.  That's important too.

Yes, I know. Bad runner.  Running and never really stretching.  I am lucky I haven't been injured yet.  I get it.  But I don't need to temp fate.  I need to fix it.

It's all up to me.  The decisions I make.  No matter what I do.  No matter what decision I make.  Or if I just don't make a decision at all.  It's all on MY shoulders.  And the clock will just keep on ticking by.  If I want to reach my goals tomorrow, I need to take action TODAY.  NOW!!!

My 200 Day Journey - Day 46

Well, I'm working on getting my exercise back on track.  My nutrition is okay.  Actually, it was not so okay after all.  I've been low on calories the last few days.  Between being sick...

Anyhow, today I tried to run.  Between the room mate drama, still being weak, and an 80K wind trying to blow me into the ditch, I just couldn't do it.  I did cover almost 3 miles though.  Not bad for not being able to work out.

I am running to Noonan ND tonight.  Got a package to pick up.  Actually, I should have two packages to pick up.  My new hard hat.  And a couple of t-shirts.  It's also steak night down there.  Can't wait.  They have a great steak sandwich.  And cheap!  I so need this break.

As for my fitness, I'll tackle W5D1HM tomorrow.  I can do this.  I have 6 more days to finish at least 3 training days.  I can do this. I just have to be patient with my poor sick self.



THEN KICK BUTT LIKE NEVER BEFORE!!!

My Half A$$ed Day

I made excellent choices with my nutrition.  I need to still enter in my supper, but it was grilled fish, and some rice and vegetables.  I avoided the bag of potato chips.  Completely avoided the chips.  I'm so proud of myself.

I didn't get out and run today.  I tried.  In fact, I'm sitting here in my running gear.  Have been all day.  I let my room mate take the wind out of my sails.  Yes, I said it right.  I LET HIM DO THIS TO ME.  Now I'm so upset that I couldn't get out of the house.

That's not 100 % true mind you.  A friend came by today.  He was on his way out to get cigarrettes.  I mentioned I should get to the grocery store to get some snacks to avoid the chips.  He came and picked me up.  We had a nice visit.  Even went for coffee on the way back. 

It was great.  I even had fun.  Cheered up.  Smiled.  Even laughed. 

But I'm still sitting here not getting out and running.  My heart is broken.  I let my room mate hurt me that badly.  I have no desire to do for me.  It sucks, but it is. 

And I know in my head it's my choice.  I'M MAKING THE DECISION TO LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME.  I'M MAKING THE DECISION TO NOT GO RUNNING.

I AM CHOOSING TO NOT WORK OUT. 

So why can't I change it?

Hmm.  Let's see.  Debilitating depression?  Ring a bell for anyone?  Yes.  I've suffered for years.  And this whole issue with Colin has me on the brink of falling back in.  I hate to admit it, but I'm not strong enough to constantly fight it off.  I need to give in once in a while.  But I know I will find the strength again soon.  I believe I will find a way to fight back.  Even if it doesn't happen until tomorrow.  At least I believe I will find the strength to fight back.  I just can't do it right now...

So although it may seem like a half a$$ed day to most, I know I'm doing the best I can for today.  So I guess it's not such a half a$$ed day after all.

My 200 Day Journey - Day 45

I am sitting here this morning, kind of tempted to not get out there and bust my butt today.  I did well yesterday.  And I'm still recovering from this cold.  Heck, I still have this cold.

Excuses.  I'm the queen of them.

Am I going to make the choice to miss out on the opportunity to get in some fitness today?  To miss out on the chance to get in one more training run before my Marathon??

And for what?  To sit here and wait to see if my room mate comes around again?  Give me a break.  He won't come around today.  He's still so beyond pissed off.  And all because I won't let my world revolve around him.  What an egotistical pri... 

Never mind. This blog is about my weight loss journey.  Not these issues. 

I got on the scale this morning.  222.2lbs.  Yippee!  I'm getting back down again.  It's exciting. 

My legs feel great.  A little tired, but not sore at all.  My lungs are doing great, considering I still have a cold.  I can breath.  I just can't talk...  My voice keeps coming and going.  Or rather, I have to keep learning how to make it work.  It's not working right.  I've lost my voice.  But I've discovered, if you change the way you talk, you can often find a way to still keep talking.  It doesn't hurt.  It's just a matter of making the air flow a little differently, etc.  But the voice is never the same....

Oh, for anyone who is just joining me on my journey, the 200 day journey is leading up to my Marathon in October.  I am running the womens Nike Marathon in San Francisco in October this year.  I am so excited.  I can't wait to see if I can actually do it...

And yet, here I still sit.  Trying to talk myself into going running.  Seriously.  What is wrong with me?  Why do I allow myself to wallow?  He's being a pri....  Never mind.  It's his loss.  I will be just fine.  Besides, it's time to start to look into moving back to Calgary soon.  I am really hopeful this job offer will come through.

I should get up, get on some sunscreen and runners, and get out there.  I'll feel so much better.  I'll feel accomplished for having done it.  And if I do it right, I'll get to have those endorphins I like so much :)

My 200 Day Journey - Day 44

Today was my first ever 10K race.  It was great.  I know.  Doing things kind of backwards.  My first race was a half marathon.  But while building up to my marathon later this year, I decided now was a good time to run a 10k.  I am thinking of running a half marathon in Aug or September.  Not really sure yet

Anyhow, I made a PR today.  I finished the race in 1:10 and change.  It was great.  Not too bad considering how sick I still am. 

I was watching my HRM on my run today.  My hr was right up in the high 150’s/low 160’s for most of the run.  It was really surprising.  I would notice it, but realize I was strong enough to keep going.  So I did.

I was able to run the whole time.  Okay, I did stop for water 3x – no running while I swallowed, but I also didn’t keep moving.  Then I had to stop running a couple times to blow my nose.  Stupid cold.  In the last 2K, I was so tired.  I would stop running.  The within 5 steps convince myself that I needed to keep going.  That finishing this race being able to say I ran the whole time would be so worth it.  So I would run again.  In all, I maybe walked 0.2miles, if even that far.

I tried to open up my stride for the last half mile, but by then I was so done.  I had really pushed myself.   

More that I have in a long time.  It felt good.

I was so happy to finish.  I ended up crying.  Room mate issues more than anything else.  Anyhow, it all felt great. 

I am so glad I went.  I so feel like the superhero I know is inside of me.

Oh, I weighed in just before my shower today.  Scale is back down to 222.8.  I know.  Some is water weight from the run.  But I'll take it.  It was at 223.2 this morning.  I can't wait to see what the scale says tomorrow.

I am finally feeling motivated again.  I Love this.  Surprising considering all my room mate issues.  Oh well.  That's all vented in my other blog

My 200 Day Journey - Day 43

Okay.  No judgements please.  This is the before picture of my new bikini.  I got two of them from Victoria Secret last month.  

I am about to tear apart what I want to improve to really rock this suit, but first.

I love that I have such long legs.  They already look great, but will look so incredible soon.

Running is really shaping up my butt.  It’s not perfect yet, but it will look great soon

I actually have a shape, and it’s not round!!!

And look at those tan lines.  That’s from getting out there and RUNNING!  Go Girl!

Okay, now for what I want to fix before I wear this out in public:

-          Spillage in the cups.  It’s getting less and less.  Hopefully in another 20lbs it will be minimal or gone.  Think I’ll put in a rubber layer inside the cups anyhow to help hold the girls in.

-          My tummy.  It is SO far from a 6-pack.  Okay, realistically, I won’t ever have a 6-pack.  Not a problem for me.  But I want it to be a little more concave then convex.

-          The muffin top is getting smaller.  I can’t wait until there isn’t one in this suit anymore.

-          I am noticing a bit of back fat too.  Looking forward to that roll minimizing, or even going away completely.

This suit is a Victoria Secret Large.

Not I can do this.  I can see it being possible.  It will just take work.

Wishing won’t get me there. 

I can do this.  Running will get me most of the way there, but it won’t get me 100%.  I need to work for it.

I can do this.

She is living inside of me somewhere.  I need to tap into her power.  I need to want this bad enough to work for it.

Lunges.   Crunches.  Back Strengthening Exercises.  All will help tone these areas as I burn the fat off by running. 

I CAN DO THIS!!!

From Last September to Today

September 2010 I had some major upheaval in my life again.  Within 6 weeks, I could not fit into my size 9-10 anymore.  I finally got on a scale in January.  I was up to 225lbs.  I tried to get back into running.  But instead of my weight dropping, it kept climbing.  I was so frustrated. 

I stopped for about a week, and kicked my own butt.  I was NOT going to end up back where I was.  I WAS going to fight it.  By this time, I was at 230lbs.  Now, no matter what, I was going to fight back.  I DESERVED to fit back into my tiny jeans and I was going to do it.  NO MATTER WHAT!!!

It has been an uphill battle.  And a very slow process, but I’m making progress.

I decided running for the sake of running wasn’t working for me.  I needed a challenge.  Then it presented itself.  A sparkfriend told me she was signing up for the Nike Womens Marathon in October in San Francisco.  This race is one that has so many people applying, that there is a lottery to be selected for the chance to run it.  So I decided to go for it. 

I needed a challenge.  I have already run a half marathon.  And realistically, I knew I could cross that finish line without really committing to training again.  I mean, I did it last time.  So I upped the challenge.  I signed up for the full marathon.  The whole 26.2 miles.

And guess what.  We were selected to run.  I have to cross that finish line in under 6.5 hours.  I am in full marathon training mode. 

And that pretty much brings us up to today...